Managing survivor guilt
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When dealing with a great loss, individuals may experience a range of emotions. Sadness is an obvious and common one, but we may also have feelings of anger or even relief. When we feel that the loss of a loved one is unfair or we have witnessed a large tragedy, one of our most palpable emotions may be guilt -- the guilt of surviving while another has perished.
This reaction, generally referred to as “Survivor Guilt,” manifests in questions such as “Why them?” and “Why not me instead?” We may have trouble wrapping our heads around why a person was taken from us too soon and even more trouble understanding why we didn’t suffer the same fate.
It’s a very natural, very human reaction to tragedy. Our ability to empathize with the struggles of others often leads us to question why bad things happen to good people or why life doesn’t have more of a regard for fairness. The important thing to recognize is that, as is true with any feeling associated with grief, you can work through Survivor Guilt with time, the right tools, and sometimes a little bit of help.
If you’re experiencing strong feelings of guilt following a large tragedy or loss, consider looking into some of these strategies:
- Find somebody to talk to ... anybody from a professional counselor to another “Survivor” like you. Having an outlet for expressing your feelings can help you talk through them and realize that what you’re experiencing is normal.
- Take your time healing. Managing grief can be a lengthy process, and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself if you don’t feel better right away. Be patient with yourself.
- Try your best to remind yourself often that your survival is not a bad thing for you or for anybody else. Your friends and family are happy that you’re still here, even if they’re sad that others are gone.
- Pay tribute to the person or people who have passed. Put together a simple memorial service or even create a scrapbook that memorializes their lives. Activities like these may help you feel like you’ve done your part in recognizing the positive impact those you’ve lost have had on you and on the world.
- Take good care of yourself. When you’re grieving, it can be all too easy to slip into unhealthy habits. Focus as much of your energy as possible on sticking to a healthy daily routine, eating right, and exercising.
The Center for Loss and Life Transition is one of our favorite resources for strategies related to grief. Take a look at the website for additional tips to help get you through difficult times.
A practical, step-by-step guide walking families through what to do immediately after a death, from the first hours through funeral planning and the estate tasks that follow.
When you are considering cremation for your own future plans or those of a loved one, it is important to understand the safeguards that each provider has in place to maintain the integrity of the cremation process. A detailed and well-documented process means that families can be assured that the cremated remains returned to them are those of their loved one. At our funeral home, we have a high standard of professional ethics and detailed procedures regarding the cremation process. We use a crematory that we know upholds the same high standards. Multiple steps are taken at our funeral home and at the crematory to maintain an individual’s personal identity throughout the process. An identification card is placed with them the moment they are brought into our care. Three parties: a funeral director, family member(s) and the crematory technician, will review all cremation paperwork and permits prior to cremation. Families have the option to view their loved one before cremation takes place for a final goodbye. At the crematory, a numbered stainless steel identification tag will be placed with the deceased and remains with them through the cremation process. This information will be entered into our funeral home’s permanent Cremation Record. Family members have the option to witness the beginning of cremation, or stay for the duration of the process, if desired. After cremation is complete, the stainless steel identification tag will stay with the cremated remains, which will be placed in the urn or container that the family has selected. When it is time to return the remains to the family, we will verify that the person receiving the remains is authorized to do so, recording their name and make a copy of their photo ID, to further ensure the integrity of the process. With these safeguards in place, you can have confidence that if you choose our funeral home, your loved one will be cared for with dignity and respect, and their personal identity is maintained every step of the way. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to us. We are here to help.
A practical checklist of essential end-of-life legal, financial, and final wishes documents every family should organize to bring peace of mind.
What are the first steps when a loved one passes away? The first step is to notify the proper authorities. If your loved one passes at home, you’ll need to contact emergency services. If the passing occurs in a hospital or care facility, staff will guide you through the next steps. Once this has been done, you can contact a funeral home. Our team is available to help you begin arrangements and coordinate transportation of your loved one into our care. Do I need to plan the funeral right away? While some decisions need to be made relatively quickly, you do not have to finalize every detail immediately. We will help you prioritize what needs to be handled first and give you time to consider the more personal elements of the service. What types of funeral services are available? There are several options available depending on your preferences, beliefs, and budget. These may include: Traditional funeral services with a viewing and burial Memorial services (held after burial or cremation) Graveside services Celebration of life Cremation services with or without a formal ceremony We are here to help you create a meaningful service that reflects your loved one’s life. How much does a funeral cost? Funeral costs can vary widely depending on the services and options selected. Factors that may influence cost include: Burial or cremation choice Casket or urn selection Venue and staffing Transportation Printed materials and flowers We are committed to transparency and will walk you through all options to help you make decisions that align with your needs and budget. Can I personalize the service? Absolutely. Personalization is one of the most meaningful parts of a funeral service. Families often include: Favorite music or readings Photo displays or memory tables Video tributes Special themes or colors Cultural or religious traditions Our goal is to help you create a service that truly reflects your loved one’s personality and legacy. What should I bring to the arrangement meeting? It’s helpful to bring: A recent photo of your loved one Clothing for burial or cremation Personal information (full name, date of birth, Social Security number, etc.) Military discharge papers (if applicable) Preplanning documents (if arrangements were made in advance) Don’t worry if you don’t have everything—we can guide you through what’s needed. What is preplanning and is it necessary? Preplanning allows individuals to make their own funeral arrangements in advance. While it is not required, it can ease the burden on loved ones and ensure that personal wishes are honored. Many families find comfort in knowing these decisions have already been made. What happens after the service? After the service, we continue to support families by: Assisting with necessary paperwork Providing grief resources Helping coordinate burial or cremation follow-up Offering guidance on memorialization options Our care does not end after the service—we are here for you in the days and months that follow. We’re Here to Help Planning a funeral is never easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our compassionate team is here to answer your questions, guide you through each step, and help you create a meaningful tribute for your loved one. If you have additional questions or would like to begin planning, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
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